I am admittedly an agnostic about a great many things: I would not presume to know a lot of things, from the will of the person next to me to any higher reason behind orange/blue sunsets. I do believe that there are a lot of things we don't know, can't explain, and aren't expected to understand. We haven't quite figured out how to be consistently good to each other; Why would we complicate things by focusing on concepts beyond that?
I do my best to abandon a lot of prejudices and keep looking for truth, but sometimes that's hard because of how fast life is and how commitment is such the hot thing here in L.A.. There are a lot of people focusing on careers. Wait - scratch that - there are a lot of people focusing on themselves. I'm not so different from them. My schedule has been crazy and I've forgotten to stop and look. That brings me here, to this.
I'm taking it upon myself to look during these last few weeks of 2006. I want to find the little miracles I haven't slowed down to notice and appreciate, and beyond that, when I get to the threshhold of 2007, I want to look back and see if I can string them together for a little perspective. This is more than just listing things I appreciate, or counting my blessings. I'm looking for small miracles. Who knows? I may only be successful in finding blessings that together form one grand miracle.
Have I already started? Did I experience magic in the smile of a breathtakingly beautiful girl I recently did a play with? (I often make the mistake of not censoring myself around people, her included. Maybe the miracle there was being able to speak in her presence.) Am I following a path of small miracles as I roam the building at work talking with everyone and expanding the scope of my new job? Was the miracle of the past few weeks sitting next to 9 month old Luisa and feeling as if I was talking with an old friend?
I don't know. I already told you I'm a practicing agnostic. I'm a curious one, but I would never tell you that I know more about fate, faith, or the universe than you do. I just know at this point that I'm open to the very next moment. I know - and maybe this is testament to the truth being inside me from the start - that there's a good chance that just looking for miracles will allow them to happen.
This is the story of one Christmas Miracle. It's just chapter one, and tomorrow is a new day.
