Am I slacking off already? Why haven't I written since...okay, never mind. Maybe it's been too hot to write. Maybe I haven't had anything new to report. Ahh, wait! That's not true! Now that season two of Lost has come to a close, I can return to writing on a Wednesday night.
Work is both spectacularly optimistic and tragically petty. I have been researching a new opportunity that sounds fascinating, and that exists everywhere but where I'm sitting. Unfortunately, the space I'm occupying is sometimes a parade of the short-sighted, self-centered, and disillusioned. Don't misunderstand me; Most of the people I work with are fascinating, loving, and tolerant people. There is always a handful and...oh, why am I wasting words on them? The point of this is, more of the things that made my job fun and worthwhile have now become stale, poisonous, even annoying to acknowledge. They make this new opportunity even more exciting as both a better use of my time and an escape from all of the negative things I have to deal with.
But that's work. Do you really want to read about work? You might in a few months....
Playhouse West is still a great playground that confuses me sometimes, but thank God I'm busy now. I have the film festival to work on, I'm rehearsing a play, and I'm getting good feedback on my redesign of the website. I am starting to see a pattern, though, that applies to people in charge of both the school and...hey...work!
There is a tree line...or a snow line...perhaps a wealth line that is drawn with a political point of view. That point of view makes it virtually impossible for the people in charge to understand and communicate to the rest of the people. It's a huge issue at work (though not so much at Playhouse), but I figured this out with one conversation. I always knew there was a separation between what the two sides understood, but I didn't know what the space was made of. Apparently, it's truth and logic. That's why I fall somewhere in the middle; I love to question things and not automatically accept what I'm told.
What was the conversation? I mentioned to someone that I saw the new Al Gore movie, "An Inconvenient Truth". I was inspired by the film, and really took a good look at my contribution to the world immediately around me. I just got a bus pass. I started a bottle and can recycling program at work. Well, when I barely mentioned the movie to this person (who will remain nameless), they gave me that look and played the whole thing off, saying that for every (completely absurd) truth in that movie, there is another opposite fact in existence. My immediate thought was "Sure, there are two sides to every story. The Nazis felt they were doing the right thing. That doesn't justify the Holocaust at all." Of course, what I said was "Sure, tell that to the idiots who are protesting the Da Vinci Code. They're advertising it!"
That really makes me think, though. The people in charge and the people who follow are mostly very far apart. The people who are in charge make decisions based on what they want, and when the people who follow start losing their trust and lag behind, both are completely in the dark about why they can't get along. I'm too restless to follow and not interested enough in pointless competition to become one of those in charge. Like I said, I question everything...
...and that might explain why I hardly ever associate myself with people or groups of people. I just don't want to cloud my mind with issues of blind loyalty, especially when I've been let down by enough people to keep me at a distance. That does, of course, make me more outgoing on the whole but at the same time it pulls me back to watch people more.
For a little time, I'm going to abandon control over some things so I can take more control over others. I'm hopping on the bus tomorrow to go to work - thus avoiding the horrendous traffic and heat on the Ventura freeway - but at the same time I'm hoping it'll free up some energy to get things done. I'm going to abandon hope that some people will change and regain hope that I can improve. I'll remind myself yet again that the world I live in does not define me, it is entirely the other way around. Stay tuned for my world, version 3.0. We are now in Beta.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Saturday, May 13, 2006
The Symbol of Chaos
It would be a terrible cliche, I think, to quote John Lennon here: "Life is what happens...". Well, no shit. We all make plans, make life changing decisions, and then we discover that life has it's own music to follow and, for the most part, unless the event is drastic, changes come gradually.
Okay...SO. Adventure number one, cut down in its prime. Here's a piece of advice for future bus pass owners. You absolutely cannot wash them. You can't forget them in a shirt pocket, run them through a warm wash load, then a cycle in the dryer. I did get one bus trip in, and that was interesting to say the least, but obviously I'm going to have to try this thing again, with what gas prices are nowadays. On the way to work, the bus was really easy, but I discovered that my iPod is the only thing I can do, especially if I get a window seat. I had a play in my hand, but I was too distracted, and since I was sitting facing the middle ot the bus, I eventually had someone's crotch in my face so...note to myself: Get a window seat and listen to my podcasts. If I can't do that, then just listen to music and read.
The trip back was also interesting. I sat with a friend, but with the motion of the bus and the lack of conversation around me (my friend tried to point out interesting sights along the way), I started nodding off. Sitting in an aisle seat, I tilted my head back and began to "rest my eyes"...until I caught a man across from me doing the same thing, only he didn't...well, he wasn't too concerned about staying in his seat and as he started falling asleep, his body started leaning into the aisle, about to take a header into my lap. It was entertaining for everyone and I felt the need to poke him with a stick, but he always managed to catch himself just before gravity won the war.
Shortly after that I did a load of laundry and beat the crap out of the bus pass.
Adventure number two - eHarmony. It is still very interesting to see what matches they send me, and sometimes they're still way off, but so far I'm not seeing "The One" that the service alleges they can find me. I'm not even seeing "The Two" or "The Three". Listen, whomever that one is has a tough act to follow. My life-changing loves are few and years between (but not for a few years now), but my mind always sees potential in change. I just have to be patient, and I can afford to be because I'm so used to not depending on anyone.
So stay tuned for updates at work - some new developments there - and maybe I will actually get to do some travelling this year. I have a few destinations that come to mind, Indiana being the first, but we'll see how busy my schedule is. I'm going to start rehearsing one play soon, I have to follow up on another, and I have the upcoming film festival. I'm going to manage the chaos much better this year so I don't revisit the madness of last year.
Off I go, to spend the day in a photo safari somewhere - I have no idea where at this point - with my new digital camera. Keep an eye open for my webshots page to see where my mind is at (http://community.webshots.com/user/sjirel), and absolutely, while I'm "busy making plans", lots of unexpected things will happen. I guess that's why I'm considering getting a tattoo with a different symbol of chaos.
Of course, all this is assuming that I don't quit writing this blog, which is, of course, a little hard to stop now because - no, you know what? I quit.
Okay...SO. Adventure number one, cut down in its prime. Here's a piece of advice for future bus pass owners. You absolutely cannot wash them. You can't forget them in a shirt pocket, run them through a warm wash load, then a cycle in the dryer. I did get one bus trip in, and that was interesting to say the least, but obviously I'm going to have to try this thing again, with what gas prices are nowadays. On the way to work, the bus was really easy, but I discovered that my iPod is the only thing I can do, especially if I get a window seat. I had a play in my hand, but I was too distracted, and since I was sitting facing the middle ot the bus, I eventually had someone's crotch in my face so...note to myself: Get a window seat and listen to my podcasts. If I can't do that, then just listen to music and read.
The trip back was also interesting. I sat with a friend, but with the motion of the bus and the lack of conversation around me (my friend tried to point out interesting sights along the way), I started nodding off. Sitting in an aisle seat, I tilted my head back and began to "rest my eyes"...until I caught a man across from me doing the same thing, only he didn't...well, he wasn't too concerned about staying in his seat and as he started falling asleep, his body started leaning into the aisle, about to take a header into my lap. It was entertaining for everyone and I felt the need to poke him with a stick, but he always managed to catch himself just before gravity won the war.
Shortly after that I did a load of laundry and beat the crap out of the bus pass.
Adventure number two - eHarmony. It is still very interesting to see what matches they send me, and sometimes they're still way off, but so far I'm not seeing "The One" that the service alleges they can find me. I'm not even seeing "The Two" or "The Three". Listen, whomever that one is has a tough act to follow. My life-changing loves are few and years between (but not for a few years now), but my mind always sees potential in change. I just have to be patient, and I can afford to be because I'm so used to not depending on anyone.
So stay tuned for updates at work - some new developments there - and maybe I will actually get to do some travelling this year. I have a few destinations that come to mind, Indiana being the first, but we'll see how busy my schedule is. I'm going to start rehearsing one play soon, I have to follow up on another, and I have the upcoming film festival. I'm going to manage the chaos much better this year so I don't revisit the madness of last year.
Off I go, to spend the day in a photo safari somewhere - I have no idea where at this point - with my new digital camera. Keep an eye open for my webshots page to see where my mind is at (http://community.webshots.com/user/sjirel), and absolutely, while I'm "busy making plans", lots of unexpected things will happen. I guess that's why I'm considering getting a tattoo with a different symbol of chaos.
Of course, all this is assuming that I don't quit writing this blog, which is, of course, a little hard to stop now because - no, you know what? I quit.
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