Unable to write until now, unable to speak or lift this heaviness from my eyes, I reached another sad, blue place filled with a cold breeze of inescapable loneliness that follows me as I try to walk away from it. I wouldn't dare mention a name, once again. I wouldn't dare describe the flash point of hurt for fear of going through it again. I just want to accept my station, carry my burden, and literally think about every step I use to walk until I'm not thinking about it any more. I want to remind myself to breathe. I want to remind myself to love again. I want to remind myself to wake up in the morning and forget the things of the past.

In the microcosm of exchange between two people, neither is fully defined. It's so easy to forget that because of how lost you get in someone, but this frustrating time spent in surrender is wasted. It's spent in regret over caring too much. It's spend in fear of being discarded, left alone without a match. It's just wasted, and normally I can deal with it because I'm such a busy person.

This weekend, however, it reached out and pulled me to a stop, and at that exact place where I could have fallen to worthless self-destruction I only slowed down; I took deliberate steps and wore this fog around me, breathing a little less, believing a little less, pushing forward...mindlessly. I'm just waiting for the fog to lift. I'm just looking to discover happiness again.

I'm waiting for sun to rise...but until then, it's a quiet, lonely night all day.