Visiting With An Old Friend

She reappears when I blink my eyes, and it takes me a moment. Maybe I've been away too long.

M: Hey. (pause) You're not gonna say "hi" to me?

S: Hi.

M: So how are you?

S: I don't know.

M: Why are you staring at me like that?

S: I...don't know. You're not real.

M: No, I'm not. Do you want me to go away?

S: Please...don't. (pause) What are you doing here?

M: I came to help.

S: With what? I'm fine.

M: What were you just about to do?

S: Get something to eat. Maybe something to drink.

M: Sit.

S: I'm hungry -

M: Sit - over there. Come on, I want to talk to you.

S: Can I get something -

M: Sit.

S: Okay.

I sink onto the couch and she mirrors me, focusing all her attention on me.

M: First of all, why do you still think about me?

S: Why can't I?

M: I didn't say you can't. I was asking why you do it.

S: It just...happens, I guess. It's easy to think about you.

M: Yeah, that worries me.

S: Why? It's not up to you.

M: Well, you definitely don't think about who I am now. You think about who I used to be.

S: That's not...entirely...true. I think about what you were to me. Most of the time, it's just the little things that I remember.

M: I wish you didn't. I feel like there are things you won't do because of me.

S: I don't reject things because - listen, did you come here to try to erase yourself from my memory?

M: I know I can't do that. But I also know you're having a tough time and I don't want you to go to the past for the truth.

S: What kind of truth do you suppose I'm looking for? I'm not walking on a razor's edge here. There's no huge quest.

M: Maybe not, but...what I see in you is a holy grail somewhere in your future. I think you're waiting for it. I think you're waiting for the memory of me to happen again.

S: There is no you in my future.

M: Then why are you talking to me now?

Mid-sentence, I stop and lean back. She got me.

M: I didn't come here to confuse you. I'm not trying to get erased. I want you to remember me, and hopefully you forget the bad stuff. Well, whatever it takes, I just want you to be happy.

S: Thanks.

M: But that's not why I'm here.

S: This might be a sign that I have to stop this late night snacking. Maybe I just need to go to bed.

M: I want to say something to you first. (pause) I know who you are. I knew you before we ever met, so when we were finally together, it was hard to accept, because...neither of us were ready. But I'm here now because I know...you're having a hard time with your mother in the hospital. You've been away from the theater, you've been away from the gym, and I want you to believe that I love who you are and who you can be. You forget that sometimes because you don't hear my voice saying it, and sometimes you don't believe it when others say it.

S: With good reason.

M: Yeah, absolutely. But for all you do and all you've done for other people, I wanted to remind you that it's okay to let go. Nothing that happened between us, nothing that happened in those moments where you had to make a difficult decision, none of it was your fault. You didn't abandon your family, you didn't lose me, you didn't lose that girl who moved up to San Francisco. Every moment we spent together is part of who you are now, but you can't be afraid any more to try again. You won't lose anything. You won't lose me.

S: So...you must be saying this because there's something I'm supposed to do.

M: I'm saying this because you think your best days are behind you. I never wanted this kind of doubt to be in your life. I definitely didn't want to be the cause of it. Just...please...let go and get started again.

S: Okay...I think. I'm not sure I know what to do.

M: You will.

I close my eyes, and she's gone. Her perfume lingers in the air, but I look around for an immediate clue.

I have absolutely no idea where to begin.