Thursday morning. Weather report: my clouds are not dark, but they do block the sun, and there's a bit of a chilly wind coming from the northeast. Storms sit on the coast, waiting, watching for an opportunity when the high pressure either pulls them in or drops. Okay, so what's really going on?

Work and relationships: Have you ever noticed how people sometimes say one thing and act a completely different way? That particular pattern seems to be popping up like weeds around me, and I'm trying my best to distract myself, to give no value to the games that other people play. How do I maintain the friendship - the...whatever...masquerading as a friendship like a small, bearded man wearing a dress - and not compromise myself? After dealing with one person dropping the guilt trip on me for not being available to the friendship, yet never putting any value in my time when I can find her...after dealing with another one who can't balance work and friendship, and when I leave her alone to focus on work she thinks I'm avoiding her, but when she's caught up in work she completely forgets about me...after dealing with actors who tell me the project we're working on is the most important thing they have now, yet are having difficulty listening, preparing, and showing up...I just don't know where to stand, and it makes me angry. The whole thing makes me angry.

Okay, to redirect the moment. I get angry because I need, need, need to try for something better: Better, more functional friendships. A job where the last thing on my mind in the morning is Blogging and coffee.

John, the guy who brings me my mail every morning, just brought the answer. His sermon this morning - "Pause for the Cause" - preached one word: Patience.

I have to remember, though I forget sometimes, to breathe. Whatever is going on with these friends, these familiar faces whose actions just aren't translating to me right now, I have to let them figure it out. I've totally taken my own breathing for granted, and I can pull that bubble a little closer.

And so my work day begins with this blog jam.