The great thing about inviting change into your life is that the possibilities become exciting to look forward to, fascinating to fantasize about. The difficult thing about having change thrust into your life is to try to react to it the same way you would if you had invited it. In a way, through action or inaction, you set yourself up for just about everything that happens, and as I've said before, sometimes all you have to do is pay attention to what's really happening around you to know where you are...or where you should be.
Yesterday, at about 10:00am, I was escorted to a conference room I originally booked, and met up with a handful of fellow co-workers there. There was one manager for every employee there, but I didn't notice that until after the fact. We were told all at once that due to the merger (which was just finalized), they had to eliminate positions due to redundancies, and that we were the unfortunate part of the 11% that was being let go, or just over 600 people. (I found out about the 11% in a press release later.) It was brief and we were escorted to our desks, then escorted out, and this was going on throughout the company, and my immediate reaction wasn't one of shock and betrayal. I was actually kind of relieved and smiled when I got the news. See, this merger was just finalized, but the cuts and job loss will happen over two years. We've had the threat of losing our jobs hanging over our heads for a while now, but that's nothing compared to what the people who are still there will go through.
Enough about them. I fulfilled the instruction from the CEO and now president when he told our department, "Don't quit, let us fire you." That's easy to say for a man whose salary might double as a result of the merger, but that's neither here nor there. My only regrets about the whole thing are that I didn't get the chance to say goodbye to people before I left, and that my boss planned to be out of the office that day. She was the one who asked me to book the conference rooms for the layoffs, essentially asking me to dig my own grave. I thought it was a nice stroke of irony, maybe a planned oversight. My old boss didn't say anything to me, and she was in the meeting. I guess there is a professional distance, and where friendship sits in the balance versus career, career for the above the line people will always win. I don't like it, but it's...well, I have to say that it really determines the difference between mere effectiveness and greatness. Everyone is expendable in the workplace; not everyone is replaceable.
And so begins my awesome journey to begin again. That was one of my favorite parts of my musical, when Helen tells Jack in a posthumous recording to "begin again". I can feel her giving me the same advice now, at the best possible time. In the past two amazing months, just about everything regarding my past and present has been redefined and wiped clean. I no longer have much of the mystery of family history hanging over me, I am no longer defined by past relationships as tainted goods, and now, I'm no longer working the lie for a paycheck. I may have said this before...that without theater the day job just can't be justified. My job was a shameful thing to admit because I've known all along that I was much more capable. The search begins now on borrowed free time from my former company - thanks to severance - for a much better fit in a different world...maybe even in a different city (as my sister suggested).
The bigs in my former company completely have the right to stay in the game and make calculated decisions to make more money. That's business.
I'm a free agent now, able to consider all possibilities and not worried about my usefulness hanging in the balance anywhere. In one week, I turn 40 and I could not have asked for a better gift. It's completely up to me now, to use my time well and keep everything I'm doing in motion. Stay tuned...the trip from here on gets interesting.
No comments:
Post a Comment