Am I slacking off already? Why haven't I written since...okay, never mind. Maybe it's been too hot to write. Maybe I haven't had anything new to report. Ahh, wait! That's not true! Now that season two of Lost has come to a close, I can return to writing on a Wednesday night.
Work is both spectacularly optimistic and tragically petty. I have been researching a new opportunity that sounds fascinating, and that exists everywhere but where I'm sitting. Unfortunately, the space I'm occupying is sometimes a parade of the short-sighted, self-centered, and disillusioned. Don't misunderstand me; Most of the people I work with are fascinating, loving, and tolerant people. There is always a handful and...oh, why am I wasting words on them? The point of this is, more of the things that made my job fun and worthwhile have now become stale, poisonous, even annoying to acknowledge. They make this new opportunity even more exciting as both a better use of my time and an escape from all of the negative things I have to deal with.
But that's work. Do you really want to read about work? You might in a few months....
Playhouse West is still a great playground that confuses me sometimes, but thank God I'm busy now. I have the film festival to work on, I'm rehearsing a play, and I'm getting good feedback on my redesign of the website. I am starting to see a pattern, though, that applies to people in charge of both the school and...hey...work!
There is a tree line...or a snow line...perhaps a wealth line that is drawn with a political point of view. That point of view makes it virtually impossible for the people in charge to understand and communicate to the rest of the people. It's a huge issue at work (though not so much at Playhouse), but I figured this out with one conversation. I always knew there was a separation between what the two sides understood, but I didn't know what the space was made of. Apparently, it's truth and logic. That's why I fall somewhere in the middle; I love to question things and not automatically accept what I'm told.
What was the conversation? I mentioned to someone that I saw the new Al Gore movie, "An Inconvenient Truth". I was inspired by the film, and really took a good look at my contribution to the world immediately around me. I just got a bus pass. I started a bottle and can recycling program at work. Well, when I barely mentioned the movie to this person (who will remain nameless), they gave me that look and played the whole thing off, saying that for every (completely absurd) truth in that movie, there is another opposite fact in existence. My immediate thought was "Sure, there are two sides to every story. The Nazis felt they were doing the right thing. That doesn't justify the Holocaust at all." Of course, what I said was "Sure, tell that to the idiots who are protesting the Da Vinci Code. They're advertising it!"
That really makes me think, though. The people in charge and the people who follow are mostly very far apart. The people who are in charge make decisions based on what they want, and when the people who follow start losing their trust and lag behind, both are completely in the dark about why they can't get along. I'm too restless to follow and not interested enough in pointless competition to become one of those in charge. Like I said, I question everything...
...and that might explain why I hardly ever associate myself with people or groups of people. I just don't want to cloud my mind with issues of blind loyalty, especially when I've been let down by enough people to keep me at a distance. That does, of course, make me more outgoing on the whole but at the same time it pulls me back to watch people more.
For a little time, I'm going to abandon control over some things so I can take more control over others. I'm hopping on the bus tomorrow to go to work - thus avoiding the horrendous traffic and heat on the Ventura freeway - but at the same time I'm hoping it'll free up some energy to get things done. I'm going to abandon hope that some people will change and regain hope that I can improve. I'll remind myself yet again that the world I live in does not define me, it is entirely the other way around. Stay tuned for my world, version 3.0. We are now in Beta.
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